i WANT to be poster no. 13

Flashback:
1. Since I learned that grown-ups must earn money to live and keep sane, I told myself and everybody that “when I grow up I want to be a doctor”.
2. As I’m about to finish elementary and during my early high school years, I said to myself “I’ll be a better designer/engineer/architect/scientist than a doctor.
3. Before graduating from high school, I said “I’ll be a writer, a journalist”.

Present:
1. I didn’t become a doctor.
2. I didn’t become a designer/engineer/architect/scientist.
3. I am an AB Journalism graduate. But professionally, I still did not pursue being a journalist.

Excuses:
1. I can’t ask my parents to finance such expensive education. Although, I’m still fascinated with the Medical field and doctors. *wink*
2. Same as no. 1
3. I entered a different job, considering “The Money Factor”.

Realizations:
1. I regret not taking up a medical course and becoming a doctor.
2. Likewise, but not as much.
3. I did still pursue it although in a more-convenient-less-exciting/fulfilling way.

More realizations:
1. I still write. My words are still published and the letters of my name can still be seen where by-lines are supposed to be typed. I’m still being “published”. Of course, not nationwide because I only write in a publication where I work.
2. I still design/invent. To keep me sane, I turn my workstation and room, or any space that is “mine”, into something “breathable”.
3. I cure. Not people though. Machines, more like. Mechanic. I guess it’s an innate skill that I can easily understand what “pains” a facsimile machine or a printer. And I can cure them. A mechanic and a doctor, afterall, is quite similar. They only differ on the “patient” they handle.
4. Yes, there’s a no. 4. I realized that I’m still not sure of WHAT I really WANT. That’s silly. After almost 23 years of existence, I am still “floating”. It’s a pity. I remember my “guide” told me that “in order to pursue your dreams, in order to achieve your goals, you must first know what it is. What is your goal? What do you dream of achieving? What do you WANT?”
5. WANT vs. NEED. To live practically is to have only what you need. But want is something that would keep you walk in a straight path. To walk on a path at least. Want gives direction, motivation to pursue something, to achieve something; to stay human and not evolve into a machine/robot.
6. I must find out WHAT I WANT ASAP.

Rumblings period Thank you